My Experience at Malvern Treatment Centers:
I arrived at Malvern desperate to dry out so I could return to drinking normally. I was worn out from hangovers, nighttime sweats, jumbled thinking and hiding. There was no thought of abstaining, no plan to stay more than a couple of days so I could get through withdrawal. Life without alcohol was not in my plan.
When I got to Malvern I was a health professional with a long career in government and more recently in the pharmaceutical industry. I was in a high leadership position. I had status, financial security, a second marriage, four children, two cars in the suburban garage and 20 years of mostly controlled drinking. Yet, I was miserable, dissatisfied, reckless, anxious and, at the end, suicidal. I had mood swings from inferiority and depression to grandiosity. The summer prior to my admission I was drinking around the clock and losing all control. So at age 51, I toured several rehabs to find one suitable for my special, unique needs and high standards, pretending it was to find a location to send my patients.
At Malvern and I requested a tour and was sent to a room where the medical director met me. He started with the words “Tell me about yourself”. Those words triggered opened the dike for me; I just crumbled and cried and said I was lost. Remarkably, he said “we can help”, “you are in the right place” and that he particularly specialized in helping those in caring professions, the clergy and medical professionals.
I left a week later for an outpatient program because I feared being away too long would be noticed at work. In that one Malvern week I surrendered, I got hope, I finally accepted the idea that abstinence, one-day-at-a-time, was the way out. I began to learn techniques to deal with cravings. I felt I was not alone anymore. I “came to believe” that a higher power or at least the concept of a higher power was in charge since I wasn’t. Inside Malvern I found a different world. A caring staff, no pretenses, no excuses, no lies, and a reintroduction to Alcoholics Anonymous. I came off my lofty, phony pedestal and washed dishes, related to residents half my age, learned I wasn’t unique.
This is written 20 years and 2 days after I entered Malvern. I have not taken a drink in all this time. Truly a miracle. Looking back, I recall the events that got me there, kept me there and sustain me to this day. I believe it’s important to remember who I was and who I am now. Yes, I am still the alcoholic, but now in recovery.
Malvern started me on a continuing journey to sobriety, to seeking to be a better person, to leading a rewarding, accepting and full life. The journey has included raising children, contributing to my field, surviving a tough divorce, dealing with my inner demons and defects. I have learned tools, have support from groups and fellow alcoholics. I recall my stay at Malvern as transformative and urge suffering addicts and alcoholics to see if it can do for them what it did for me.