It is crazy to me that one year ago today, I was living here [at Malvern Treatment Centers]. Without my husband and son — I would cry every single day.
Just to pass the time, I would help out in the kitchen every morning. I walked around and cleaned anything that I could get my hands on. I had my husband bring in air fresheners that I strategically placed around the building to make it smell less like smoke and more like home. One warm November Saturday, I scrubbed out the kitchen trash cans. Anything to keep myself busy.
I came to meetings all day long, listening to speaker after speaker tell me that I had to go home and change everything I did in order to stay sober. They would tell me to live one day at a time, but change everything. I came at night and listened to speaker after speaker tell their stories and each of them would say that life couldn’t be better.
What I couldn’t fathom was – how could life be so great? My reality was that I had to go home, change everything about myself and learn to love life without the greatest love of my life, VODKA. I would think – this totally sucks.
I would think about the great time I had in my life, belly laughing with my friends at parties, etc. How could life every be that fun again? I couldn’t drink anymore so the parties wouldn’t be fun anymore – right? What would I have to laugh about? My best friend Vodka wasn’t invited to my party anymore.
Well, believe it or not, I had a pretty good time when I was here [at Malvern Treatment Centers]. There was this crazy guy who was funnier than John Belushi and he kept us all laughing. I also met a couple of great friends, one of which is celebrating a year of sobriety here today. I should have my one-year as well but I stumbled. I did, however, manage to achieve 9 months of sobriety. And in that 9 months, I discovered the answer to the question – How could life be great without alcohol?
The answer is: the prison chains are gone. The obsession is gone. Don’t get my wrong, the obsession creeps back sometimes but for the most part it is gone.
I realized over the past 9 months that:
- I could divorce alcohol just like I did my first husband, and throw myself a divorce party, just like I did when I divorced that idiot many years ago. I don’t know why this realization didn’t come to me sooner except for the fact that I hated my ex husband and I didn’t hate vodka. When in reality, I should have hated vodka more. Vodka abused me more than my ex ever did. It nearly killed me. It really almost killed me.
- When I finally changed the way I thought about alcohol and started to hate it, I realized that alcohol didn’t make life fun. I did. My friends and family made/make my life great.
- I belly laughed at those parties with my friends years ago because my friends are funny. They are still funny and are even funnier to me now.
So what is the point I am trying to make to you today? It is that life is great when you’d decide to end your bad bad marriage to your substance of choice. Leave it just like you would a bad relationship. And when you do, you will see that although life isn’t fair and it can even suck sometimes — you still have the power to make your life great. Yes your sober life.
Start out slow and find little things to laugh about. Then, before you know it, you will understand that your life has changed. You have changed. Laughter is all around you. You realize that you are strong and are able to cope with whatever hurdles are in front of you. Life is amazing — embrace everything it has to offer.